A Young Man Overcoming

This was originally posted in November, 2017.  It got lost in an update of the host site server and is being re-posted now.

A Young Man’s Story:
In our first mentoring session a number of years back, a young man told me a little about his life.  Growing up, he could sense a constant tension between his arguing parents.  He felt the need to alleviate the tension, which unknowingly honed his pastoral and counseling skills…and also his codependency and insecurity.

The boy’s father was an alcoholic, who currently has wet brain (a form of brain damage that results from repeated, heavy exposure to alcohol).  His father was also a porn addict who would leave this boy waiting in the car outside while he went into the store to purchase porn.  Sometimes, his father would take the boy to a woman’s house for dinner or other occasions.  The boy wasn’t supposed to tell his mother.  After a while, feeling uncomfortable about the relationship between this woman and his dad, the boy refused to go.  His parents divorced when he was fifteen.  His dad continued to date this woman for a number of years afterwards, so the boy still had to see her, even after his parent’s divorce.

The boy’s mother poured all her love and affection into her son, until one day she withdrew her love to toughen him up.  She struggled with depression to the point of not being functional at times.  She became needy and manipulative.  As all these events unfolded, the boy experienced a lot of emotional pain.

Through the amazing grace and redemptive work of a loving God, this young man’s woundedness is being transformed and used today to bring about healing and transformation in the lives of others.  He is becoming a wounded healer, with a heart for pastoral counseling and racial reconciliation.

 

His Testimonial:
“When I first started being Spiritually Mentored, I was a mess. I was isolated, making bad decisions, codependent and defensive. There was a seemingly impenetrable barrier between me and who I was in Christ. The worst part of it all was that I didn’t know.

“I didn’t know that pornography was serving to ‘band aid’ my actual issues, keeping me from feeling my real feelings of longing and insecurity. I didn’t know that I was living my life on a one-way track to burn out, codependently accepting every request and adding it to my identity pile. I had confused my sinful self with my true self and was hiding in immense shame and numbness.

“I remember when I thought pornography wasn’t hurting anyone.  Randy got me to begin abstaining as an experiment. Only then was I able to see what lies I had told myself and the ways I was objectifying people and numbing my pain. That’s when the real work started.

“Through the spiritual mentoring process, I explored my real identity in Christ and who he has made me to be.  I cried over past hurts.  I shared my deepest and most painful stories, which were not met with judgment but with Christ-like tenderness and poise.

“My bad behavior was challenged and not let off the hook. I received gentle correction and suggestions, and was made responsible for my growth and even my comfort. I was responsible for asking for what I needed.

“Because of this, I am a MUCH more self-aware person. I often know what I am feeling and can share it. I can talk myself down when I begin to feel triggered and codependent. I am a much healthier person with better boundaries and a better sense of my true identity. I am a better husband and better father because of the time, energy, patience, and wisdom that has been poured over me.

“Spiritual Mentoring is a conduit that allows Christ to show love, give discipline, and comfort through another person. Through this process, God helped me to see that I didn’t need to project a false self, but that true men can be weak, and broken, and tender, and kind, and cry and that it’s okay.

“Through the journey, I was always pointed to Christ and His plan for me. I look back on the man I was before God began working on me in this way and I hardly recognize the closed off, hurting, reactive man that I was. I am still a work in progress, but I can confidently say that I am a better man today because of what God did in my life through Legacy Shepherding Ministries.  I am so grateful that God has called Randy to this work.”

A Glorious Mess:
Wow, that young man sounded like a real mess!  Why did I ever start meeting with him?  Because I believe God revealed the gem underneath the wounds.  Everything this young man wrote is true.  AND there are some additional truths he didn’t mention.

During the time we met, he pastored a highly dysfunctional church through a very rough transition.  He modeled Christ and how to handle conflict in emotionally healthy ways.  After seeing how he led through the transition, the church wanted him to become their senior pastor, but he turned down the job.

I invited him into a small group, where I got to see his shepherding leadership gifts blossom.  He began asking the other participants follow-up questions about things they’d shared, helping them to go deeper into what was at the roots of the issues they were struggling with.  Men didn’t shut down as he explored with them, because he didn’t try to fix them, rescue them, or give them unwelcomed advice – all of which are killers of vulnerable sharing in small groups, and sadly the way most men’s groups operate.

During our season together, there were countless stories of people who were blessed by his safe listening, his pastoral presence, and his wise guidance.  Having gone on his own journey, he was and is better able to journey with others on their journeys.  And better able to apply the gospel to the issues people struggle with.

By the end, he was providing his listening, pastoral presence to me on occasion!

This young man is someone who’ll do the Lord’s work throughout his life, with or without a title.  He’s a pastor of people, a shepherd, a counselor, and a guide.  He leads people to God’s love and reconciliation.  I’m so glad he went on this journey.  I believe his future leadership will be more effective and loving because of it.

We Need To Make a Difference:
“Emotional health and spiritual health are inseparable.  It is not possible for a Christian to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” – Peter Scazzero.  Through years of mentoring, I have found this statement to be so true.  Another truth is this: Leaders are going to lead whether they are emotionally healthy or not.  Because of this, one of the goals of this ministry is to help bring more emotional health into spiritual leadership (as well as all leadership).  The church needs to lead the way into the abundant emotionally healthy spirituality Jesus came to bring.  Let’s help develop more emotionally healthy leaders to lead in the future.

Impact a leader and you impact a whole community.  By investing in this one young man, I believe hundreds of people are going to be directly impacted in healthy ways.  Through his heart for pastoral counseling, God is going to bring about more emotionally healthy spirituality through him.  Hopefully in ways that will allow people to invest in others, so the Legacy of Christ’s love and redemption carry on into the next generations.

If you haven’t already, you can still make a difference by financially and prayerfully partnering with me in providing this ministry to young leaders who have a heart for bringing loving transformation to our world.

Contributions are tax deductible!

In His Love, Randy