Dawn

This was originally posted in December, 2017.  It got lost in an update of the host site server and is being re-posted now.

Dawn’s Story:
“To give a full picture of the work that the Lord has done in me, I must start from the beginning. I write this not to cast blame on anyone, but only to describe the events that helped shape me into the person I became.

“Looking back on my childhood, I don’t have any happy memories of my parents’ relationship. They divorced when I was three, and both got remarried within a year. To this day, there remains unresolved bitterness and resentment between them.

“Neither of my step parents, nor step siblings, ever accepted my sister or I in as family. They kept us at an emotional distance. My older sister and I travelled to see my dad and step mom every other weekend, otherwise we lived with my mom and step dad.

“When I was 11, my mom’s second marriage ended very abruptly when my stepfather was imprisoned. This took a heavy emotional toll on my mom. I distinctly remember a family friend telling me that my mom had a ‘breakdown’ and was in the hospital. My sister and I were told to pack up some clothes, and were taken to stay at my grandparent’s house. We would never go back to my childhood home. I never had the opportunity to say good bye to any friends, or even to pack up any of my favorite belongings. My whole world changed overnight – my house, my school, my friends, and my family. To add to the pain of this situation, no one was willing to talk through how I felt.

“From that point on, my mom had to work two jobs in order to provide for my sister and I. I wanted to minimize the financial strain on my mom, so I started my first job at 13. I quickly developed a strong sense of independence during those early teenage years; I didn’t need help with school, with money, with relationships, or with managing my schedule. I was left to largely manage my own life.

“During my high school years, my father moved on to his third, and then fourth marriage. Disconnecting from relationships started to become very normal and very easy for me, given that by the time I was 20 I had had a total of 4 step parents, 5 step siblings, and many other step family members who swiftly moved into and then out of my life.

“To confound this relationally unstable environment, neither of my parents were skilled at emotionally relating or emotionally bonding with me. I was provided for in all of the tangible ways, but did not feel pursued by either one when it came to my emotional health. I was never taught how to feel my emotions, let alone deal with them. What was taught to me was, ‘Don’t talk about it, and move on.’

“So, as an early adult, I found myself as this strong, independent woman, who didn’t need help from anyone. I was emotionally hardened.  I could enter into relationships and then, just as quickly, I could walk away from them. I so desperately wanted to be pursued by someone, and I sought that out in unhealthy ways from guys when I was in college. Then I met and started dating Russ my junior year of college. I knew that I had found a really good man, who pursued me and adored me in all of the right, healthy ways. I also knew that I had a very high likelihood of screwing up this relationship, as I had no idea what fidelity, or investment, or work looked like when it came to relationships.

 

“My first 10 years as a Christian were largely focused on the ‘doing’ parts of my faith – serving at church, learning more about spiritual disciplines, and growing in my bible knowledge. While I can say that I had let Jesus into my life, I had not let him into my heart. I didn’t know what it meant to have a deep, emotional need for God in my life, and I definitely didn’t know what depending on Him meant, as I only knew how to depend on myself.

“After graduating from college, Russ and I began attending a local non-denominational church. After attending for three months, I realized that I needed the Lord’s help, especially in the area of relationships, and I gave my life to him. Russ also accepted Christ as his Savior quickly thereafter.

“In my mid-30s, I started to feel like there had to be more to my relationship with God than what I was living. There had to be a deeper, richer connection with Him that I was missing. The problem was, I had no idea how to get there.

Being Mentored:
“A friend from church recommended Randy to me, as someone who might be willing to meet with me in a mentoring relationship. I had been longing for someone to come alongside me to help guide me on this journey that I knew the Lord was calling me into. After Randy and I first met, I felt confirmed that he was the right person to start this process with.

“Over my 2+ years of being mentored, I have grown in tremendous ways. The first part of my journey was really focused on attaining some healthy balance and boundaries in my life – physically, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally.  Now, the Lord is calling me into exploring the deeper areas of woundedness in my life, in order to bring it into the light and into a place of healing. Although I’ve grown in intimacy with God, my understanding of God’s love for me is still very underdeveloped, as is my emotional capacity to feel deeply.

“My life has been characterized by striving, but He has spoken clearly to me that this part of my journey CANNOT be achieved through effort, but by complete submission. I feel as though part of my heart is made of stone, incapable of feeling compassion, sympathy, or deep relational bonding. The verse that the Lord has given to me is Ezekiel 36:26, ‘I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.’ HE will do this ‘emotional surgery’ in me to remove my heart of stone, not me. All He is asking for me to do right now is to be open to his work, and to try to remain aware of His activity.

“I feel that my heart of stone is slowly, slowly being broken apart. And, I can confidently say that it is going to be a painful process, as I face these areas of brokenness, these areas in my being that look so unlike Jesus. But, I have great hope and confidence that He will be faithful to guide me through this, and that my understanding of His love for me will grow in profoundly deep, awe inspiring ways. I am so grateful for how the Lord has pursued me in calling me into this deeper relationship with Him. I am also so thankful to have a safe space every two weeks with Randy for him to listen, to gently guide and to shepherd me.” – Dawn

Dawn Mentors Others:
“My life looks different now than it did three years ago. Having this safe space to be known, and to be gently shepherded every two weeks has made a profound impact on my relationship with the Lord. I feel passionate about creating that space for others as well. I am currently mentoring three women, and am involved in pre-marital mentoring alongside Russ, so that others who feel the same longings as I did, to journey deeper into their own relationship with the Lord, have the availability and time from someone who wants to come alongside them. I am eternally grateful for the ways in which mentoring has developed my relationship with God, and I’m excited to watch the ripple effect of that as I mentor others.”

Dawn is a Great Legacy Investment:
Dawn has exhibited such a tender and teachable heart toward the Lord.  She’s understanding the deeper layers of a truly surrendered journey with Jesus and is being brutally honest with herself about her areas of growth.  With her story, her heart, and her remarkable giftedness, she’s becoming an incredible and sought after spiritual mentor.  She has already impacted many women, by passing on what she’s been receiving and experiencing from God through this mentoring experience.  Dawn has also helped lead mentor training sessions and small groups at her church, and she & Russ regularly invite people in need to live with them in their home.  She is a physical therapist by profession, helping people heal physically.  Dawn is an energetic and capable leader who loves the Lord and who is multiplying and making a positive difference in our world.  She’s been a great Legacy investment.

Last Call:
This is the last of my three year-end support raising letters.  I hope you’ve enjoyed the vision and stories of impact.  It’s not too late to join in on the incredible work God is doing through this ministry.  Your support, both prayerfully and financially, is needed and wanted.  You can make a difference.

If you haven’t already, would you be willing to make an on-going commitment to support this ministry? (On-going commitments are helpful for budgeting on my end).  Contributions are tax deductible and life changing.

Merry Christmas!
Randy