Belated Christmas Letter!

Oops.  I nearly had this finished at Christmas time.  Then time got away on me.  Better late than never?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!          
I haven’t written a Christmas letter in many years.  It’s often hard for me to write another letter after writing monthly ministry updates throughout the year and mailing all those year-end ministry support letters.  This year, I have some extra energy, so here’s a sneak peek into my life outside of ministry.

The Walls Inside:
Sometimes I feel like there are walls inside me that close in on me, cramping me until I can’t move freely, causing me to live a constricted life.  I become afraid of not getting everything right.  I become overly concerned about what other people think of me.  At those times, I’ve found that I need to take some risks, go on adventures, do some things that get me out of my comfort zone, to help push the walls back, so that I have space to breathe and move again.  The past few years, I’ve felt that constriction growing, the walls slowly moving in, making it difficult for me to move freely and joyfully in my personal life.  I decided to prayerfully do some things this year that would help push the walls back.  I’m really glad I did.

Non-Sexual Touch Needs:
Have you ever heard of a Cuddle Party?  Provocative name, huh?  It’s a social event/workshop devoted to non-sexual touch, and teaching people how to clearly communicate and get their touch needs met in healthy ways.  There is an emphasis on healthy boundaries and being true to yourself – living within your “yes” and your “no”.  And yes, I went to my first one this year with much trepidation.  A friend of mine initially discovered them.  When he first started going to them in 2014, he asked if I wanted to go with him.  Touch with strangers?  No thanks!  Besides, what would people think about me attending an event called a “Cuddle Party”?  With that thought, the constricting walls closed in on me a bit more.

Sometime later, while I was listening to the radio, I heard about a study someone did about touch.  Many studies show the immense benefit of touch in our lives.  This particular study looked at the different amounts of touch experienced in various cultures.  In this study, the researchers observed the conversations of friends in different parts of the world as they sat in a café together.  The researcher observed each conversation for the same amount of time and counted the number of times the friends touched each other.  In England, the friends never touched.  In the U.S., they touched twice, but only when they got very excited about something.  In France, they touched 110 times.  And in Puerto Rico, the friends touched each other 180 times!  When were the French and Puerto Ricans NOT touching?  A part of me felt sad for us.  180 times seems way too much for me currently, but only 2 times seems like touch deprivation!  Why is there so much fear around touch in our culture…and in me?

They say we need four hugs per day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth.  The average hug lasts three seconds.  If we hug for 20 seconds or longer, oxytocin begins to be released, stress hormones go down, blood pressure and heart rates improve.  Twenty seconds?  That’s a long time!  How many people get hugs that last that long?  Many married people rarely get hugs that long!  At least that’s what I’ve heard from many of your confessions! 🙂

While I was pondering all this, I attended some very fun relational game events called Authentic Games and Beyond Games, where I met some people who regularly attend cuddle parties, as well as the woman (a trained, certified facilitator) who runs them.  The people I met were very nice and seemed to have gentle, safe spirits, accompanied by a desire to grow, which is always appealing to me.  I liked them.  After much prayer and consideration, I decided to give a Cuddle Party a try.

Did I cuddle?  I received a hand massage. a shoulder rub, and many hugs.  Honestly, I spent a good portion of the event talking to people who were on cuddle/touch breaks!  I had some great, long conversations with people who have lives vastly different from my own…which I loved.  Overall, it was a great experience for getting out of my comfort zone and into my growth zone.  Through the event, I learned some things about myself and learned some new communication and boundary tools that will be helpful in mentoring young people.  More importantly, I pushed the walls back a little bit, just by being there.

It feels a bit vulnerable to share that I went to a Cuddle Party.  I’m not sure what you might think, which is part of the growth step for me.  I fear you might not know my heart, that someone might feel judgement rise in them, and that mentioning this might somehow be interpreted as giving someone license to do something that wouldn’t be appropriate or helpful for them.  I am not giving anyone that license.  I hope that everyone will take responsibility for their own choices and actions.  I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this type of event for every unmarried person, but I would for a few.  Each person needs to prayerfully follow the leading of the Lord in their own life.  While I was there, I couldn’t help but feel like Jesus would probably attend a cuddle party or two if He were here today.

“Vacation’s All I Ever Wanted.  Vacation.  I Just Had To Get Away” – The Go Gos:
In February, I had the opportunity to go on a much needed vacation, which I haven’t done in years.  My sister, Connie, her husband, Mike, and I went to Florida for nine days, to visit my niece, Kelly, and her husband, Erich, who live near Orlando.  I haven’t laugh so much in a long time.  Erich likes to encourage people to try different things by saying, “You have to try _______ (usually a food item).  It will change your life!”  It became my “It will change your life” vacation…and it did.  It changed my life.

His Goal is 90:
We celebrated my Dad’s 85^th birthday this year!  My sisters and I hosted a party for him in October.  We had thirty-some people at Ditka’s restaurant.  It was a really nice event.  I’m so glad we’ve been blessed to be able to celebrate so many birthdays with my Dad.

Other Life-Giving Things I’m Grateful For:
Family dinners, birthday celebrations (many milestones this year), countless laughs and deep conversations with Andy, bi-monthly meetings with Bruce, life-changing boyz weekends with Praveen and Dave C.(including Indian food), Book of Mormon and Wicked with Rusty, Meet Up events, Dad Fest with Anthony, Jamie’s visit from CO, Scott’s comedy night, an Ice Cream Social reunion, meals and outings with friends, weddings/wedding receptions, potlucks, free entertainment from the library, dog sitting, the Iowa Hawkeyes near perfect year in football, and a bunch of other things.  They all brought me life and helped me expand.  In short, they changed my life.

It Will Change Your Life:
I’m not totally free of the closed in walls at this time.  They are still a little too tight for my liking, but I feel like I do have more space to be me these days.  I still need to continue to allow God to push the constricting walls back.

I hope you’ll join me this next year in prayerfully getting out of your comfort zone and into your growth zone.  I hope you’ll take risks (within God’s will for you) and try whatever you sense God leading you toward to help you push back the walls in your life (if there are any), to bring you more freedom and joy, so you may thrive.  Above all, I hope you’ll try Jesus (perhaps in a deeper way).  He will change your life!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Randy