In 1983, Deborah was told for the first time that she had cancer. Sadly, she would be told this awful news four more times throughout her lifetime. At the time of her first diagnosis, she didn’t know she was pregnant. The doctors recommended chemotherapy, without checking for pregnancy. Deborah refused, because she sensed God telling her not to go through with it. If she had gone through with it, it would have killed her unborn son, Michael.
When Michael was eighteen months old, he fell into a swimming pool and drowned. Deborah and her husband prayed fervently and did all they could think to do. The paramedics told them they did everything right. In the paramedic’s opinion, Michael should be brain dead. He had no pulse. He was dead for fifteen minutes. But God had other plans for this boy’s life. Hearing this story throughout the years, built Michael’s faith. Michael believed the impossible. At age eighteen, Michael committed to following God full out, no more compromising.
At twenty-nine, Michael is a man of high integrity and moral character, who deeply desires to live a life that is pleasing to God and that makes a difference. Out of Michael’s pure desires to do the right thing, live sacrificially, and give generously to those in need, began an inner attack, starting in 2012, that seemed like a spiritual battle trying to derail him, turning his good desires into something burdensome, even obsessive. What a sneaky ambush. Here’s a taste of what Michael experienced…
Michael’s Inner Battle:
“I contacted Randy during a time in my life where there was a wrestling taking place in my soul. The wrestling manifested from my feelings of guilt for the seemingly random privileged life I lived and the incomprehensible suffering in the lives of others.
“‘Why do I get this life while those across the world are suffering tremendously? How can I enjoy going out to eat, spending time at night relaxing with my wife, or going to a job that I enjoy, when others do not get this privilege? I should not enjoy my life. I cannot enjoy my life. I need to serve more, give more, and enjoy life less. I should have no moments of downtime, only the continual sacrificing of my time. The only volunteer work or occupation that is worthy is one where I reap no enjoyment, where I volunteer or work in a desolate place, even if it is not my passion or gifting.’
“Ancillary to these negative thoughts and the accompanying feeling of guilt for the privileged life I lived, was an underlying guilt for desiring (and needing) even more of God’s working in my life. After all He’d done for me, I still wanted Him to do more – I desired His continual presence, His grace to help me be fruitful at work, His supernatural power to fulfill impossible personal and family dreams, and His Spirit to guide me in life decisions.
“Initially, I would pray for these things with great expectancy and excitement. The thought and belief of God’s goodness in this life brought a whole new brightness to the day. However, after this marvelous, yet fleeting, mindset and feeling, I would get bombarded with thoughts such as, ‘How can you ask for anything, in any category of life? You have received so much.’ or ‘Why would you think God will help you, bless you, or be with you? Look at all the other people who have been praying for basic needs. You’re already fortunate to have experienced what you’ve experienced. You’re pushing your luck.’
“My whole thought life had become negatively hyper-scrupulous, questioning every thought, motive and ‘good’ feeling.
“When the time finally came to meet with Randy face to face, it just so happen to be the exact day that was the start of my mother’s rapid health decline, from stage four cancer. She [Deborah] died three weeks later on November 27, 2013. My mother was a pastor for almost thirty years and battled five bouts of cancer over my lifetime. She was my mentor, encourager, counselor and comforter. Her loss was (and still is) an emotional and spiritual hit to my soul.
“In addition to all this, I was also supporting my wife through a fertility battle that resulted in several heartbreaking miscarriages. One of those miscarriages happened on the same day my mother died.
“Needless to say, Randy had his hands full when we first met.
God Begins The Healing Process:
“As Randy and I met, I soon learned there was something different about him and his style of Godly leadership and wise counsel. He came from an authentic paradigm of pure love. A love that has no strings attached, a love that did not judge or discriminate my thoughts, and a love that spoke transformational words, not just Christian clichés that sounded nice.
“I remember one day in particular where I was discussing my feelings and thoughts of guilt. As we kept digging deeper into the guilt, we began to identify the barriers in my thinking that ultimately were anchored in a distorted view of God – seeing God as a kill-joy who doesn’t want me to enjoy life, who dangles enjoyment in front of me, but then is displeased with me if I dare enjoy anything. Or as a task-master who won’t let me know how much doing is enough to please Him, but then will blindside me in heaven for not doing enough, setting me up to not receive my full inheritance.
“One exercise we did to combat my guilt was one in which I wrote all my thoughts, that lead to guilt, on an erasable whiteboard. Some were personal past sins. Others were simply uncontrollable and undeserved privileges and blessings I had. After we wrote down, talked about, and prayed over each thought and feeling, I erased the whiteboard.
“I took a Before and After photograph to remember the symbolic act. The symbolic activity was actually a break through in my thinking and feeling.
“Afterwards, when negative thoughts would attack me, I would mentally picture the erased whiteboard. This mental focal point barred the negative thoughts from taking root and freed me from the physiological and psychological destruction that would usually follow.
“Being spiritually mentored has helped galvanize me into the abundant life promised by Jesus, starting with my thinking, through vulnerable discourse, strategic action steps, and prophetic words of counsel.
“My thought life has changed as I’ve learned to filter each thought before allowing it to take root. I now ask myself before meditating or ruminating on a thought, ‘Is this a thought grounded on an omni-benevolent view of God, does it bring abundance and clarity of feeling or action? Or is this thought destructive, an endless spiral into paralysis and emotional destruction?’
“Although I am still a work in process, God through Legacy Shepherding Ministries, Inc. gave me hope in a hopeless time in my life and provided me with fruitful, palpable, qualitative results that overflow into every arena of my life. I am inexpressibly grateful.” – Michael
Michael currently leads a weekly small group at his church that facilitates in-depth discussions about books of the Bible. He and his wife also co-lead a couple’s small group at their home.
Thank You:
Thank you so much for making this past year possible. Together we impacted 36 people who have leadership influence over more than 1,500 people. This impact multiplies! May you be blessed eternally for your generosity.
If you haven’t already, I’d love to have you partner with me in this life-changing ministry.
Contributions are tax deductible.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
In His Love,
Randy
Good job Randy!