Twelve Goodbyes, or Where’s My Kleenex?

Randy’s January, 2013 Update:

     

Twelve Goodbyes Last Year (Where’s My Kleenex?):

Twelve people completed their season of spiritual mentoring through Legacy Shepherding Ministries in 2012.  (Note: Each of the twelve is represented by an original painting done by a current mentorees of Legacy Shepherding.  More details at the end of this update.  Enjoy the paintings along your reading journey.)  Like the twelve disciples, they were sent off to give away what they’ve been given, in their own unique ways.

I believe they are going to do some great things.  In fact, they already are.  Amazing things like:

• passionately pastoring a church of approximately 700 people,
• being present with and pouring love on dying people in a hospice facility, writing a grief support blog for survivors, and helping people attain their dreams through Dream Coaching,
• mentoring single moms and moms with young children (done by a seasoned mother),
• co-leading a nine-month live-in leadership institute for college students and twenty-somethings, in CO,
• mentoring and leading small groups for high-school students,
• being a pastor’s wife and mentoring/leading a small group of junior high girls,
• leading a church prayer ministry and discipling young men,
• providing professional counseling to special needs individuals and to hurting people seeking help through a church community care center,
• ministering to Hispanic bebes while their parents attend church services, and
• leading a twenty-something ministry at a church near London.

There are so many amazing stories and so little writing room to tell them all.

At the very last meeting with each person, I ask them to share some of the ways they have seen themselves grow during our season together.  Below are some statements these gifted difference-makers made describing the ways they grew.

Imagine these young leaders doing the above ministries with the life lessons they’ve mentioned below.  Very cool!  And imagine them doing ministry without these life lessons.  Very scary!  I’m so glad we are partnering with God in providing this ministry.

Lessons They Learned/How They Grew:

I’ve learned how to handle criticism better, be less defensive, and listen to the heart of the other person.  I’m so much better able to deal with confrontation and conflict now.  I can have conversations I couldn’t have had two years ago.

I pray more before doing things, rather than rushing in without seeking God’s guidance.  I learned how to listen to God through the prayer, listening, and journaling exercises we did together.

I learned the lesson of letting go and not needing to be “right” all the time.  Do I want to be “right” or do I want to be happy in a deepening, loving relationship with this person?  Is being “right” more important to me than this person, this person’s feelings, and our relationship?

I gained the ability to see what is going on inside of me and the ability to seek to understand what is going on inside others.  It has helped me see what is mine to own and work on, and what is theirs, for them to own and work on.  I can release responsibility for trying to fix them and their stuff, and I can simply love them and be with them while they wrestle with God, their brokenness and their sin, while I do the same.

I learned the difference between experiencing something and learning about something…namely God and His love.  In the past, I learned a lot about God’s love, but I never experienced it.  Now I’m experiencing God’s love.  Now His love feels true in my heart.  It’s not just intellectually true in my head.

The blocks exercise was huge for me – a massive growth edge.  It helped me name the lies and truths in my life and recognize that love is the end goal amidst all the junk.  Because of it I have become less reactionary, less judgmental, and much more patient and loving.  I’m less critical of other and can appreciate and celebrate their uniqueness.  I’ve learned how to validate another human being, regardless of our differences, simply by being a loving and listening presence.

I’ve learned Soul Care, which allows me to serve out of the overflow not out of emptiness.  I’m more aware now when I’m not in a good place to build into other.  I can listen to my soul, trust it, rest and nurture it.

I can see when I’m trying to control something and I can choose a better way.  Control leads me to self pity and anger.  Surrender to God’s perfect love and plan leads me to freedom.

I’ve learned to pay more attention to what God is doing, shaping, and transforming in me through the circumstances, relationships, and spiritual disciplines in my life.  I used to try to pray trials and difficult relationships out of my life so I could be comfortable again.  Now I value transformation over comfort.  Rather than trying to change my circumstances prematurely I ask God what He’s up to and I try to work with him in bringing about the changes He desires in me.  Now that I’m not fighting Him all the time, I find that I’m actually connecting with him through my struggles.

I learned the power of “active” listening, seeking to understand, and letting another person work out their issue in their timing.  I wasn’t just given the answers to my questions.  I was asked questions and given insights to consider in coming to my own answers.  By coming to the answers on my own, I was able to take ownership of my answers.  That model creates leaders, not just dependent followers.  I’m replicating that now.  I’m doing it with others.  There is something deeply developmental about processing out loud with a safe person who asks self discovery, follow up questions.  To most people, Listening equals Caring.  People feel cared for by me now and they are growing into confident leaders.

I learned to be a leader!  I feel like a leader!  I am a leader!  That’s huge!

I have a vocabulary for emotions, gauges for reading them, and freedom to articulate them.  That means I’m less of a prisoner to negative emotions.  I’m able to acknowledge them and identify their root causes.  I’m also freer to express both negative and positive emotions.  (Note: I love what this person is communicating, and I would prefer to use the term “painful emotions” instead of “negative emotions” and maybe “pleasant emotions” instead of “positive emotions”.  Though painful, some difficult emotions to experience can have a very positive purpose and result in a person’s life, and sometimes trying to stay in non-painful emotions can have a very negative result.)

I am who I am, not what I do.  I’m separating my worth and value from what I do.  Now I live with better boundaries.  I’m able to say “no”.  My worth isn’t based on how people react to my “no”.  I’m also not basing my worth and value on other people’s opinions of me.  My identity is more secure, and grounded in Christ.  I’m more confident.  I’ve learned that I’m lovable even when I’ve not met the expectations of others or myself.

I gained many tools that equipped me.  Now I can use those tools to help equip and disciple others.  I have a long list of resources from which to draw as I invest in others – from books, to spiritual practices, to personal experiences.  Beyond the tools themselves, I have a new model of discipleship and it’s powerful!

I’ve learned that it shows love to speak the truth directly.  It is unloving to play it safe and pretend.  It shows love to trust the other person with what I’m really thinking and feeling.

I can enjoy things without feeling guilt for not being constantly productive, like watch a movie.

I don’t have as much of a victim mentality.

I’ve grown to understand that God’s “no” can be as loving as His “yes”.

I’m learning to live out of my true self.  I’ve been given a tool for a life-time.

It’s okay to do small ministry.  It doesn’t have to seem big and significant.  I can trust God with the results and let go.

I learned that few words, silent head nods, probing questions, and loving challenges at just the right time can powerfully change lives.  You don’t have to be on stage to make an impact and you don’t need to talk a lot to send a message.

I have a more intimate union with God.  I’d never heard it described like that before.  My love for Jesus has grown and I run back to Jesus much more quickly now.  Your ministry has directly influenced my walk with God and led me closer to Him.

Thank You:

I believe we invested wisely and well in these individuals.  I wish you could see them in action.  It’s a true blessing.  Thank you so much for making life change and discipleship possible for these young leaders.

In His Love,
Randy

 

 

Note:  The original paintings are by Justin, a current mentoree.  During the course of our journey together, Justin began painting.  I’d like to think it was somewhat inspired by the paintings I did on cardboard and hung on my living room walls.  After seeing what I was willing to hang on my walls, it may have crossed Justin’s mind that he could do way better than what I did and people would probably be willing to hang it on their walls!  Well, he has by far exceeded me!  Over the past year, he has sold many of his paintings, been featured in numerous galleries, was asked/commissioned to create paintings for his church’s sanctuary, and found that painting brings him life.  Check out his website at  jvorelfoto.com and an article that was written about his church art at sojournvisualarts.com/justin-vorel-interview.

Note:  Some similar comments from different people were combined into one statement.  I did my best to get the exact wording of each comment during our final celebration meeting, but they are not always exact quotes because I was trying to be present in the moment, receive what was being said, look at the person sharing (sometimes through teary eyes), and take notes at the same time, while they shared their growth stories.  Each comment captures the heart and most of the exact words they shared.