Randy’s February, 2012 Update:
Finishing Well:
At the very first meeting I have with people, one of the things we talk about is the ending of our season together and what it might look like to finish well. I have found it helpful to talk about the ending at the very beginning to set proper expectations that lead us both to finishing well, which ultimately enhances the whole experience.
What finishing well means to me is that neither of us will be taken by surprise when the ending comes. It will be something that we have discussed and processed with each other as one or both of us prayerfully senses our season together coming to a Spirit led close. Thankfully, it is usually a mutual knowing and sensing, that simply needs to be acknowledged, accepted, and sometime grieved.
Finishing Well also means that we end our time in celebration to bring satisfying closure to our wonderful season together. In preparation for our very last meeting, I ask people to think about, and be prepared to share, the many ways they have seen themselves grow during our time. I do the same, noting the growth I’ve seen in them. We spend time remembering, reminiscing, and recounting some of the amazing things that happened and all that God did during our season together.
I also ask them to think about, and be prepared to share, any affirmations or words of closure they would like to share with me. I do the same. We end with a time of mutual affirmation, saying the things we want to say, so there are no regrets later for words left unspoken.
Doing this puts a wonderful capstone on the whole experience and leaves it on an uplifting and loving note.
This past year, my time with Chad Fors came to a conclusion. We’d met for just over three years, while Chad mentored and passed it on to others. For our last meeting he shared his thoughts verbally, but he also wrote out what he wanted to share and later emailed it to me. Here’s what Chad wrote:
How Chad Grew:
“When I first began meeting with you, I was stepping into a mentoring role with Axis, and I had no idea how to do it. I was pretty fresh coming off of my Dare To Soar experience, which was life changing for me, but I still had much to wrestle with, much to discover about myself and about God, and much to learn about how to help others in their journey.
“From the first meeting, you spoke my language, showing me three different models that describe the purpose and role of mentoring. I LOVE models! The Transformational Triangle Illustration was the one that stuck with me the most.
“You soon introduced me to the great writings of David Benner (“The Gift of Being Yourself” and “Surrender To Love”) I learned about and was able to confront my shadow/false self. And even though I am not fully rid of him, he does not rule my life like he has in the past.
“I learned about the strengths that God wired in me (Connectedness, Ideation, Adaptability, Restorative, Analytical) and grew in my ability to put them to work in my relationships with family, friends, co-workers, and those I began mentoring.
“I was able to see a clearer mission for my life:
Created to humbly lead others toward connectedness and restoration in relationship with people and with God by loving them in their weaknesses, helping them discover their strengths, and pointing them to the beauty of authentic community.
“I picked up many tools along the way that I use in mentoring others: enneagram, clean talk, genogram, transformational triangle, intentionality target (Jesus model of disciplemaking), to name a few.
“You walked with me into the darker parts of my soul, sat with me at (and even under) ‘the wall’, and showed tremendous love and patience as I struggled with God at various times along the journey.
“You showed me how to float in the river of God’s will, not tread water, which I am apt to do.
“You loved me when I felt unlovable, which has given me healing and allowed my love for others to grow as well.
Affirmations for Randy:
“You have shown me so many things. One of the things I love about you is how well you listen. I remember you describing mentoring to me as always having one ear toward the person being mentored and one ear to God. You are a master at this! I hope to be able someday to do that as well as you do. It is quite a gift.
“You also are willing to ask the difficult questions and to do so in a way that is bold yet loving. Never threatening, but prying. Some days I didn’t want to go there, but when we did, I experienced growth, and for that I am thankful.
“You are one of the most courageous men I know. Even when a ministry door was closed and your time there was cut off, you did not react with bitterness, but processed that well and reacted with grace and love. I admire your character and your integrity through that difficult time.
“Because of our time together, I am better able to love myself and others. I have been able to pass it on to numerous people under my care. My impact with them is your legacy! You truly have assisted God in holistically developing me in love and for love! And for that I am eternally grateful!
“Thank you! With all my love as a brother and a friend.” – Chad
Thank You:
Thanks for investing in Chad. He is an amazing man and gifted mentor. He is leaving a legacy. I anticipate cool things continuing to happen in the lives of those he rubs shoulders with.
In His love,
Randy
Leave a Reply