Love Languages

Legacy Shepherding Ministries, Inc.  – Randy’s January 2008 Update

As I journey with people, I hear many stories about their parents – parents who did the best they could to communicate love to their child, but who may have expressed love in a way their child couldn’t connect with. For example, the parents may have provided well for the child materially as a sign of love, but what the child really wanted was their parent’s time and presence. It was a loving home. The child knows intellectually they were loved, yet the child didn’t truly feel loved. It was as if the parents were saying, “I love you”, in a language the child didn’t understand.

I see this with spouses as well. Both may be putting forth great effort to communicate love, but one or the other may not feel loved because the love is being communicated in a language they don’t understand or desire.

There is a book by Gary Chapman that refers to five “Love Languages” – five ways in which most of us give and receive love. The five Love Languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

I’ve learned it is important to love people in their “love languages”, otherwise they can’t fully internalize or feel the love that is being communicated. It is so important that they feel loved in the process of transformation – Love heals, love melts away the walls and helps us blossom and become the lovers God intended us to be.

What are your love languages – the ways that you receive, experience, and feel love in a deep way? (Note: We tend to give love in the ways we wish to receive love, so you may want to pay attention to how you express love to others.) What are the love languages of the people you love? It’s worth discovering.

Recently, a young man I shepherd spent an evening with me outside of our usual meeting time. He wanted to spend time with me, getting to know me more, letting the evening be more about me than him, which seemed like a good sign. We’d been discussing this topic and he desired to love me in my love languages.

My top languages are Time, Words, and Touch. My biggest language, not specifically mentioned by the author, is to be listened to in a knowing way – if someone feels safe and shows sincere interest in knowing me and actively listens to me, I feel loved.

This young man spent time with me, asking me questions about myself and listening attentively.

I asked him if he would speak Words of Affirmation to me, as I often do for him. He said he’d never done that before (though internally I disagreed with him – he does it all the time. He’s a natural encourager, who is in the process of discovering his Voice.) He was willing to give it a try.

For the next 15 minutes or so, he spoke words to me – beautiful words, like he’d done this his whole life. I felt very loved and cared for.

He emailed me the next day and told me he really appreciated the opportunity to practice affirming someone, risking and growing with me in a safe environment.

He grew through ministering to me and I grew by letting him minister to me. I believe it was an evening that will live on for years to come, as this young man continues to practice loving people in languages they understand.

Who do you desire to express love to today? What are their love languages? Are you willing to love them in their love language, even if it is a language not your own? It’s hard! Have fun with it!

Love is risky business. I’d like you to pray for everyone receiving this letter and for all the people I shepherd that we would all grow in love, that we would all take risks and love extravagantly this year.

Check out the new website at legacyshepherding.org!

Thank you so much for your continued support!

Love,
Randy